Guest Post

Tantrums and melt down can frustrate even most patient parents. If you are one of those “annoyed” parents, here are the things you can use to teach your kids acting on anger and strong feelings.

How embarrassing and disappointing it is when your kid throws tantrum in the crowded place or at home.

An angry kid can even start throwing the things, holding the grudge or shouting at the people around them. It can be difficult for you to deal with your aggressive kids.

Sometimes, you worry that you are failing as parents if your kids are reacting aggressively toward you.

Have you ever thought what causes such outbursts in kids?

Unlike an adult, children are not able to manage their emotions like fear, anger, hurt, frustration and disappointment. It is more than a typical behaviour if they do these things repeatedly or can’t resist rage a lot of the time.

In fact, most of them are not aware of their feelings. Therefore, parents should teach them self-control and coping strategies to manage their intense feelings.

From my experience, here I’ve listed the simple things you can do to help your children control their emotions.

Find What Makes Your Child Angry:

First of all, start noticing when your child gets angry or behaves aggressively. While there may be hundreds of reasons behind this, there are some you can cope at your own end. For example:

  • Do they cry when you tell them to turn off the TV? Tell them five minute before turning it off.
  • Do they get angry when they’re tired? Offer them a nap or a rest time when they can lie down and listen to music.
  • They are angry because they feel disconnected? Try to spend more time connecting with them.

Apart from these common things, they may be upset because of bullying, anxiety, inferiority complex and many other reasons hurting their sentiments.

So, you must talk to them to know the things making them feel upset.

Talk About Emotions or Feeling:

Does your kid understand all the emotions he can feel? Most of the kids are not familiar with their feeling.

Therefore, you should help your kids gain an awareness of what they are feeling by learning to recognize facial expressions.

For example, if they are sad, tell them why they are feeling this way. In this way, they can identify the basic emotions like sad, glad, scared, disgusted and surprised.

Kids that can identify their feelings appropriately are less likely to have behaviour problems.

Teach Them Anger Management Skills:

Once your child is aware of the different types of emotion, tell him how he can cope with them (emotions).

Here come anger management skills which are useful to instruct your child how to gain control while in emotional distress.

Here are some effective anger management skills help your kids calm down:

  • Tell them to do deep breathing
  • Tell them to imagine a calm place like the beach, his bed or a tree
  • Tell them to squeeze a ball or an orange
  • Tell them to go to calm spot
  • Tell them to do “self-talk” that includes motivational phrases like “Stop and calm down,” “Stay in control,” “I can handle this.”
  • Tell them to draw something when they are angry

Respect Their Emotions:

Most parents find it challenging to deal with their kid’s emotions.

To calm them, they rebuke them by saying things like, “Why are you crying loudly? That’s wrong” or “Shut your mouth.”

Responding in that way can hurt their emotions and add to their agitation.

So, you should respect their feelings and give them a space to deal with emotions on their own.

For example, if your child is upset over something, give him a time to process their emotions in their room.

But that doesn’t mean they should be given liberty to misbehave or insult others.

So, you should also tell them that it’s natural to feel angry, but it is not good to hit, kick, biting or throwing things.

Lead Them By Example:

How can you help your child with anger if you are short tempered yourself?

How will you manage them if you are not caring or attentive?

If you learn to calm yourself down while your child having unsettling emotions and provide an appropriate response, they will learn to work through it.

In simple words, if you lose your temper very often, you can’t teach them to calm down.

Seek Professional Help:

Don’t hesitate to approach a therapist if you feel that your kid is overly aggressive and has complicated behavioural problems.

Here are the signs telling that your child needs a professional help

  • Being aggressive, destructive, or reckless when angry
  • Severe worry or anxiety
  • Threatens to harm or kill oneself.
  • Persistence disobedience and aggression
  • Frequent outbursts of anger, aggression

Sometimes it can be underlying issue and cognitive disorder triggering the aggression in children.

Bottom Line:

You should handle your aggressive kids with care and attention. A kid who can control his emotions will be grown up with confidence, inner peace, emotional intelligence and an ability to handle conflicts.


Lim Chuwei is the Director at ChampionTutor- Home Tuition Agency and has been in the industry of last 15 years. ChampionTutor is Singapore’s leading stop for all education needs with more than 10 years of experience in home tutor service and recently launched the Online tutoring services as ChampionTutor Online.