I can already imagine what my friends are going to tell me if I tell them I’m considering a 4th kid.
Really getting every cent of baby bonus from government
Too much time on hand
Having kids was the last thing on my mind when we first got married. In fact marriage was the last 2nd thing on my mind.
I wanted to get married only when I turn 30. I ended up marrying when I was 25. The first kid is supposed to be deferred until I’m 35. Kyan (my eldest) arrived when I was barely 30.
Since then we have gone on to have Kylie in 2012 and Kingsley in 2013.
Handling 3 kids is a challenge. It might seemed all fun and rainbow from what I post online but there are tonnes of behind-the-scene headaches that wasn’t captured for social media.
Especially when you are trying to bring the 3 kids out alone.
You can do all the planning but with kids, you can always expect things to go wrong.
Bundles of JoyKingsley and Kylie hugging
But still, I thoroughly enjoy my time with them. Despite the incessant fights, toys-snatching, constant cries, emergency clinic visits, and sometimes sleepless nights, all these go away you hear them say ‘I love you’.
Kyan recently wrote a note for me and I can’t help feeling a sense of warmth the moment I read it. It’s unlike anything else I’d experience before.
Kylie is turning 4 soon. As a girl, her demeanor is very different from Kyan. She is more gentle and considerate, despite her occasional bouts of bad tempers.
Kingsley is a silly bundle and often and burst out in laughter every other minute.
We have been blessed with pretty good kids. And recently we are asking ourselves if we should have just one more.
Consideration for a 4th
After a few discussions, here are the reasons why we are thinking of having a fourth:
1. No one will be playing alone
Because we have 3 it is very common that Kyan and Kylie would be playing pretend and neglected Kingsley to play alone with his toys. Or Kylie and Kingsley might be doing dancing away, leaving their eldest brother on his own.
If we have 4, they could play in pairs and minimizes the chances of anyone going solo.
That is one of the key reason why we decided to have two.
I also happen to have many friends who stop at one. No matter how you look at it, I can’t imagine how it could be better for them to learn socializing (which is a really important lifelong skill) with their imaginary friends instead of real siblings.
2. We have plenty of hand-me-downs
Regardless of the gender for the 4th, we won’t need to buy any new stuffs because Kingsley or Kylie could easily pass them down.
This mean tremendous savings on things we otherwise buy and discard very quickly because they grow up so fast.
Even if we need something, we have plenty of friends who have “closed shop” and they would be more than happy to pass them over to us.
3. They don’t need much more attention
When we had Kyan, it was a lot of trial and error despite only him to take care of. And because of that, there was just too much attention showered on him and I realized that impede the development of the child.
By the time we had Kingsley, we couldn’t provide the same amount of attention onto him. With the same number of hours every day, we have to divide them as fairly as possible.
That meant more unsupervised playtime, stairs-climbing and explorations.
It did result in a more knocks and bumps but Kingsley progressed much faster than his elder brother. He could easily navigate the stairs now whereas Kyan at the same age would still struggle with.
4. It gives them the opportunity to lead
Part circumstantial and mainly due to lack of help, everyone gotta chip in.Kyan reading a book to Kingsley
Kyan has taken the lead many times to care for and educate his younger brother. Kylie also started to step up recently to become the caring sister, holding Kingsley hand whenever they are outside.
I believe such instances would accumulate and provide them with guiding principles that will help them navigate the world better in the future.
5. Extending our happiness
Say what you want about the terrible two. You will miss it when it is over.
It never fail to strike me how time flies when I look at the montage of Kyan 1-year-old pictures.
The same sense of loss will come when Kylie grow older and when Kingsley come of age. And gone are the special moments.
Such as the time when Kingsley learn how to walk. Or when Kylie did her first ballet dance. Or when Kyan wrote me my first Father’s Day card.
So should we?
It may be the last time we could really do this given our age and diminishing energy. For all its worth, this might be the last shot to experience the initial phase of parenthood all over again.